Every lame bachelor party website out there has some stupid bachelor party scavenger hunt or to-do list that will (somehow) magically take any boring night and turn it into Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras. But, when you look at these scavenger hunts a little closer, they all read like a pathetic list of bland ingredients torn from Rachel Ray’s book of “30-minute Bachelor Party Clichés!” Here are just some of the “Wild” (their description, not mine) examples from one of my arch nemeses’ sites:
• Dance by yourself on the Dance floor.
• Get a lap dance from an exotic dancer or a girl at a bar. (Doomed Groom note: “Duh.”)
• Get a tampon from a girl.
Get a tampon from a girl? Seriously? Is this really what you want passing for “fun” at your bachelor party? What’s next? Do a peppermint schnapps shot out of a Summer’s Eve douche bag? Jeez-us Kee-rist. I’d be horrified if I wasn’t so bored to tears.
Instead, I’ve put together a bachelor party scavenger hunt that is one part drinking game – and one part ritualistic passage from single-life into full-blown marital bliss/misery. I have conceived a list of tasks that both encapsulates the life The Doomed Groom is about to leave behind, but also prepares him for the “blessings” of marriage that await him.
But first, a few tips —
Integrate It Into The Night. One of the biggest mistakes that bachelor party planners make when including a scavenger hunt in the night’s festivities is trying to do it all at once. They go right down the list of things and do them — one…after…the…other. Big huge mistake. This stops the night’s forward momentum dead in its tracks, resulting in a bunch of guys standing around, rolling their eyes and looking at their watch – wondering when they can finally get on their way the strip joint.
The best bet is to try and integrate the tasks into the context of the night – all in tiny little bit-sized pieces. Having the hunt spaced out over the evening, with a couple tasks to do at each location your party visits, is infinitely better. It also allows you to do certain tasks that are specific to the place your guys are at (i.e.: eating tasks are done at the restaurant, drinking tasks are done at a bar, etc.), rather than trying to shoehorn them into wherever you guys are at that moment.
Get The Booze Flowing. If you’re going to have a scavenger hunt at all, you might as well make it into a bachelor party drinking game for the groom-to-be. For every task, there should be either a punishment/reward for failing/accomplishing it. This is another reason to have the hunt more spaced out over the course of the night. That way, he’s not pounding down too many shots all at once.
Also, if you do choose to incorporate a drinking game – make sure that someone acts as the scorekeeper. There will be a lot of plus and minus shots flying around, so make sure that you got somebody keeping track.
Avoid Being Mean Spirited. When you take a look at The Doomed Groom Bachelor Party Scavenger Hunt I’ve included below, you’ll see that some of the tasks are a little – well, I guess you could call them – caustic. Now, that tone should be fine, as long as it doesn’t get too far out of hand. They should symbolically remind The Doomed Groom of the bridge to a life of freedom that he’s leaving in smoldering ashes and cinders behind. But, listen closely – at no point should it be uncomfortable for him.
If it looks like it crosses the line from “having fun at his expense” to “making fun at his expense” – it’s time to stop immediately. It’s supposed to be as much fun for him as it is for you. Remember what the “Y” in The B.O.D.Y. B.A.G. Method stands for? You must Yield to the groom. That means his wants and desires are your only concerns. He is the king of the night.
As with anything you do at the bachelor party, your ultimate goal is to make a glowing memory that will act as his “happy place” when his wife inevitably starts screeching and wailing about him not caring about her needs, blah, blah, blah…or some crap like that.
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