They Don’t Call It The Big Easy For Nothing!
O.K. Let’s just get this out the way right off the bat.
“BEADS AND BOOBS, BEADS AND BOOBS, BEADS AND BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BEADS, BOOBS, BEADS, BOOBS, BEADS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOZE, BOOZE, BOOZE, BOOZE, BOOBS, MORE BOOZE, BOOBS, BOOBS, BEADS, BOOZE, LOTS MORE BOOZE, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, OH MY GOD! LOOK AT ALL THE BOOBS!!! I NEED MORE BOOZE! BOOBS, BOOBS! I THINK I’M GONNA PUKE. HOLD ON A SEC… OH, MY GOD! LOOK AT ALL THE BOOBS! OH GOD, I JUST PUKED ON SOME BOOBS! THAT’S SO AWESOME! Oh, no… I think I feel kind of sick. I know… I’ll drink more booze. No, don’t put away the boobs. I’ll give you’re the rest of my beads… Wow… Those are nice boobs. This is the best (hic!) bachelor party (hic!) anybody’s…ever…had… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
Ah, yes – the wonderful world of a New Orleans bachelor party during Mardi Gras. That, my friend, was a one paragraph distillation of what has become the poster child holiday for drunken craziness and a total lack of personal accountability.
Come to think of it, there’s probably not a better theme for your Doomed Groom’s last night of freedom than Mardi Gras – a celebration that commemorates the last chance for revelers to party before subjecting themselves to a long 40 days of somber prayer and penitence (also known as Lent). Actually, replace 40 days with 40 years of somber prayer and penitence and it sounds kind of like a marriage – only just not as miserable.
In this first of a three-part post about throwing the perfect Mardi Gras bachelor party – I will discuss the option of traveling to New Orleans and experiencing the debauchery firsthand (which I highly recommended). In part two, I will discuss the details of how to negotiate beads to see boobs during Mardi Gras. And in part three, go into how you can make your own little Fat Tuesday Bachelor Party right in your own home town.
No matter which way you choose, with the right ratio of beads to boobs to booze, your Doomed Groom should have the time of his life.
Mardi Gras is the celebration that marks the last day of Carnival (actually, in some areas – like New Orleans – it can last up to three days), and the start of a period of self-denial known as Lent. It was brought to the United States by French Settlers and was celebrated for the first time in Louisiana in the year 1699.
Oh, yeah… And did we happen to mention that girls flash their boobs? Yeah, that happens, too. There’s documentation of women baring their breasts in exchange for Mardi Gras beads going to back all the way to the late 19th century. Who started it? Who knows? But, God bless that hero’s little soul for taking that first grand leap into bachelor party history.
Traveling To New Orleans
When is it? As I mentioned above, because it is predicated on the date when Lent begins, the start of Mardi Gras changes from year to year. Just find Ash Wednesday on a calendar and back-up about four days from that.
I would make travel arrangements for your Bachelor Party guests to arrive in New Orleans the Saturday prior and make sure that you have accommodations for four nights, at least. You really want to be there for Fat Tuesday (the day before Ash Wednesday), when everything goes to hell in a hand-basket and provides the perfect backdrop for all your Bachelor Party insanity.
As you would expect, it becomes very difficult to find hotels in the area the closer you get to the date. I would suggest that you start making plans in early December, at the latest. That way you can still have a chance at getting rooms well before the whole town fills up. Doomed Groom Travel offers several affordable New Orleans Mardi Gras travel packages that can save you lots of money and convenience. You might want to give them a look.
Bourbon Street / French Quarter – Bourbon Street is one of those perfect places for a bachelor party to go all year round. As we always strive for in planning a bachelor party, it falls very nicely into the B.O.D.Y. B.A.G. Method. Whenever we can find a target rich environment like this, we know it makes our jobs easier and it’s a great place for your Doomed Groom to be.
Why? Well, first off — you can’t go wrong with the restaurants in the area. From Brennan’s French-Creole faire to GW Fins (ranked one of Esquire’s top 20 best new restaurants in America), you certainly won’t be lacking in amazing places to eat.
The amount of bars and pubs that you will find on Bourbon Street is unbelievable. They stretch out for as far as the eye can see and are open pretty much non-stop.
There’s also a thick concentration of strip clubs in the area. So, if you’re not doing so well with the beads (see section below) you can still get your bachelor an eyeful and the lap dance he so rightly deserves. But, heads-up…
Watch out for pick-pockets – As with anything good, it was only a matter of time before something bad shows up to spoil it. The New Orleans Police want to make revelers aware of the threat of getting their pockets picked amidst the crush of people gathered together on Bourbon Street.
As it turns out, while you’re looking up, watching the girls on the balconies above you dance and flash their God-given assets – pick-pockets, trolling the area, take advantage of your distraction and steal your wallet.
It would probably be a good idea to pick up a special travel wallet that you can use as a deterrent to discourage even the stickiest of fingers.
Beware of the bead snobs – While the Mardi Gras tradition of exchanging beads for the fleeting glimpse of some bare skin all started in fun, it has quickly descended into what could only be considered a business transaction. More and more, these strands of colored beads, or “throws,” are considered a type of currency, resulting in some strands being determined more valuable than others.
Beads with large animals, “doubloons,” or LED / fiber optic beads are worth more on the street than the cheap plastic ones made in China. In general, the smaller beads are being shunned in favor of the larger and more expensive ones. Unfortunately, when it comes to beads – size does matter.
Now admittedly, this advice may sound like a ploy to get you to spend more money on the Mardi Gras beads in our Doomed Groom Gift Store – guilty as charged — but ignore it at your own peril. If you want to get a girl to flash for you, it’s only common sense that she’s going to want something special in return. You want to make sure that the beads you offer aren’t the kind that they can easily catch when thrown from a float.
Coming up in Part 2… New Orleans Bachelor Party Bead Negotiation